LAPD Shares Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Published on August 05, 2024

Relationships can be complicated to navigate at times, whether you’ve been dating someone for a couple of months or married for years. It’s not always smooth sailing. Everyone comes into a relationship with their own uniqueness, quirks, and baggage. It can be hard work understanding the other person’s life experiences and perspectives. Communication and understanding is key to building a healthy relationship. An individual should never feel that they're unsure or walking on eggshells all the time.

Many survivors of abuse question themselves after leaving an abuser, “How did I miss the signs when it was right there in front of me?" Abuse is NOT the survivor’s fault, and it is not the survivor’s responsibility to stop it; however a survivor can break the cycle of abuse.

Abuse is a choice the abusive partner makes. The abuser will use many different tactics to gain power and control over their victims. The more of these signs an individual notices in a relationship, the more they may want to reevaluate the relationship and ensure both parties feel safe. 

Below are some of the most common tactics of abuse:

Verbal and Emotional Abuse

Abuse often starts with non-physical abuse, such as verbal, emotional or psychological abuse. A victim may try to justify that their partner is “having a bad day or under a lot of stress." However, when verbal abuse becomes a pattern that repeats daily and escalates in severity, these are red flags.  

Financial Abuse

Financial abuse is often overlooked, if an abuser controls the money in the relationship, such as restricting access to bank accounts or credit cards, putting the victim on a monthly allowance and monitoring their spending, forbidding the victim from working, or making the victim hand over their income, it can be classified as financial abuse. These tactics are a way of controlling the victim's financial independence, and can make it extremely hard for the victim to leave the relationship, out of fear of becoming homeless.

Physical Abuse

Victims of physical abuse often minimize this type of abuse. Many survivors will try to justify the abuse as a “one-time thing." Physical abuse is rarely a one-time thing and almost always escalates, happening again and again. It will escalate in severity, and the likelihood of lethality increases over time.    

Sexual Abuse

An abuser may also use sexual abuse to gain control. You may think your partner just likes “sex,” but just because you’re in a committed relationship with someone does not permit them to have sex with you at any time. If you’re not consenting each time or sex is forced upon you, this is rape.

Other abusive tactics include:

• Intimidation
• Isolation
• Minimizing, denying, and blaming
• Using children  
• Coercion and threats

If you suspect you’re in an abusive relationship, reach out to a trained domestic violence advocate through your local shelter or police department. You don’t have to identify yourself or be looking for shelter to call a hotline or walk into a police department. You don’t even have to want to leave. You can simply talk through what’s going on with someone who can validate your experience and help you consider the next steps.

Important Resources:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
• NM Crisis: 1-855-NMCRISIS
• Crisis Center of Northern NM: 1-505-753-1656
• Esperanza shelter: 1-505-474-5536
• Los Alamos Victim assist: 1-505-663-3511
• 9-8-8 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline - Call. Text. Chat.